An entrepreneur recently asked me about passion. He was always so passionate about his company’s products and the latest and greatest thing that he was doing that he couldn’t stop talking. Then suddenly he would notice that faraway look in his listeners’ eyes, and realize he’d lost their attention.

When you’re in business for yourself, or even in a corporate setting, your enthusiasm for what you do and why you do it may be boundless. It’s so gratifying to be doing exactly what you want to do.

But how do you keep from alienating your audience if they don’t share your passion for business process re-engineering, for example, or saving the Allegheny muskrat?

At the end of the day, people will gravitate toward you (or not) based on how you make them feel. What you say does play a role, but even if they connect with your words, they can feel disconnected from you as a person if you’re not showing interest in them.

Here are a few fundamentals:

1) Monitor how well you’re communicating. Does the crowd at a networking meeting appear to stay connected to you? Are they eager for you to follow up with them? Do your one-on-one meetings result in progress? If you can’t answer with a hearty yes, you could use some improvement. But it’s a big step just to realize this!

2) Take a pause. Once you’ve relayed a short example or story about your work, don’t go right into the next thing you want to say. Pause and give the other person a chance to jump in. If you’re holding a drink, take a sip so they have a chance to be heard.

3) Learn how to ask questions. The best way to stay on track in the conversation is to engage from the beginning. Ask questions to open the door and show you are interested in what they have to say. I’m not sure you can regain the attention of your audience once you’ve lost them, but if it’s possible to do so, asking questions is the key.

Whether it’s your lunch meeting, a cold or warm business call, a networking get-together, or any other situation in which you hope to cultivate a new customer or partner, making them feel included and valued and listened to shows you care about them as individuals, and that makes all the difference.

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© 2012, Liz Lynch International LLC

I had an eye-opening experience on a recent trip to California that gave me a fresh perspective on how easily we get in the way of getting what we want.

When you stop yourself from making that phone call, or going to that event, or reaching out to that specific contact, it usually has more to do with what you’re saying to yourself internally than what is happening around you externally.

I was sitting at the gate in Philadelphia when our gate agent made the announcement that the flight was full and they needed a few volunteers to give up their seats. Compensation included a $300 travel certificate and a guaranteed seat on the next available flight. She mentioned that those of us making connections (I was flying to San Francisco through Chicago to burn up some soon-to-expire frequent flyer miles) might even be able to get on non-stop flights on other carriers and she would be happy to check out the options for us.

For a second, I thought of getting out of my comfortable seat and volunteering, but then, other thoughts quickly replaced that one. Thoughts like…

“It’s too much work, and I might not get what I want anyway.” I had just gotten my iced coffee, found a good seat at the gate and was enjoying the first few bites of my Luna bar when the call for volunteers was made. Did I really want to gather everything up, roll over to the desk, stand in line and then be told, “We don’t need any more volunteers.”? Was it worth the trouble?

“What if I end up worse off?” My mind quickly drew a picture of me stuck in a middle seat on a cross-country flight, and I shuddered. Or what if I boarded late and all the overhead bins were full and I had to check my carry-on. Did I want to take the risk?

“Where I am is good enough.” In very short order, the negative thoughts swirling around in my head had me rationalizing that arriving in San Francisco on my original flight — close to midnight and with a stop over in Chicago — really wasn’t all that bad. Wasn’t it just easier to stay where I was?

“I have a frequent flyer ticket, they won’t want me.” This was probably the most dangerous thought of all. I was taking myself out of the running, justifying my inaction using completely made up criteria. How ridiculous was that?!?

That did it. I snapped out of my “complacency trance,” strode over to the desk and offered my seat. They weren’t sure they would need me, but took my information. Within 45 minutes I was on my way to a neighboring terminal to catch my new non-stop flight to San Francisco.

I couldn’t have had a better experience. I got a window seat in the second row, there was plenty of overhead space for my carry-on, we arrived a full hour early, AND I got frequent flyer miles for the trip even though it cost me nothing. I couldn’t believe that I had nearly talked myself out of taking action. And all it took was a few minutes.

Where do you stop yourself in your business or your life because of the stories you believe about how things work and the assumptions you make about other people?

Change that right now and make a commitment to yourself to do ONE THING this week that you’ve held yourself back from. When you stop saying “no” to yourself, you give more people around you opportunities to say “yes.”

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© 2012, Liz Lynch International LLC